Monday, March 5, 2007

distant memories

As some of you know that read my blog often, I am kinda going through a mid-mommy crisis right now. One day I want to go back to work (teaching) full time and other days I never want to leave my kids. It is a constant battle within my soul that somedays leaves me feeling very guilty at even the thought of leaving them for those 8 hours each day to be with other children. Some days the teaching job wins the battle and I think I'll be a better mommy when I am with them because of my fullfilment outside the home with teaching and coaching.

Just today as I was running at the Y and watching The View the subject came up with the girls on there about staying home or working full time. Rosie said that she left her show when one night as she was leaving to go to a fundraiser event her oldest son Parker (4 at the time) asked her where she was going and she told him to help raise money for kids who have an illness and he then asked her why can't she just stay home and take care of him. WOW! Kids pick up on everything. She said she realized then she was away too much. Elizabeth Vargas just made the jump backwards to spend more time with her kids. Rachel Ray on The View said she is not having kids b/c she doesn't have time for them. I'm not saying these are all women I look up to, but just referencing them b/c they all came up today and that one show I was watching.

THEN I read something like this from the monthly calendar that our Mother's Day Out sent home last week - "Our sons and daughters will be grown so quickly and these days together will be nothing but distant memories. Make the most of every moment!". This is a quote from James Dobson from his book Parenting isn't for Cowards. I read this and I think .... gosh teaching can wait, but my kids can't. Each year they are closer and closer to school and then they will get closer and closer to graduating and then leaving me for college and then leaving me for a wife ... oh my!

So, back to cleaning my house while my sweet babies nap. They are so precious and I do cherish each day I have with them. I am blessed beyond measure to have two boys who love each other and love me!

The battle in my soul will continue and I am constantly asking God to show me what to do. He hasn't shown me anything new, so today I am just me - a stay-at-home mommy who his loving this opportunity to be with her kids.


Becca said...

I think some of us will always have that battle in us, but know we are making the right decision for us--whatever it may be. Maybe it is one of God's ways of keeping us relying on Him for where we are to be. Thanks for the thoughts!

Maris said...

Hey you know that I love working but today really sucked. Sorry to use the horrible language but that is really how I feel. It was really bad. I came home wishing I had your job instead. I know that you struggle with this so much and I know God is faithful to prepare and direct us where He is leading us. I just wanted you to know that once again I was totally jealous of your job again today:)

daisyaday said...

I have done both, and I know I made the choice to work because I needed that money to take care of them. I was glad to get out, too, to get a break from the many responsibilities I had.

Looking at it today, though, I would have looked for another way to try to stay home with them, just because now that they are not small anymore, I realize how much we, mother and children, missed out on.

We each need to find our own way, and do what we feel is best. My prayer is that you will find the answer that God is holding out for you, whatever that may be.

Thanks for your thoughts, as you have triggered some memories for me that I'll share later on my next post.

Debra said...

The feeling is constant.

jtcosby said...

I understand what you are going through...I even struggle with being a student and a I doing the wrong thing? I appreciate your being so honest. One thing you need to know from an "outsider" You are an amazing mother and you are someone I look to when I struggle with my children. It is BEYOND obvious you love your kids. That is good stuff girl!