Saturday, February 10, 2007


Real - –adjective
1. true; not merely ostensible, nominal, or apparent: the real reason for an act.
2. existing or occurring as fact; actual rather than imaginary, ideal, or fictitious: a story taken from real life.

The other day I was having a conversation with an adult, professional male and we were talking about my kids. He was wondering if we were going to have more and this is how he asked:

Mr. Ignorant: So, will you guys have more kids anytime soon?
Me: Yes probably in about two years we'll talk about it.
Mr. Ignorant: Will you have a real one or adopt one?
Me: (trying to figure out if he really did just say that) um .... probably ..... um ... a .... um ... we're thinking of another adoption and another biological.

What the hell?

I'm serious that question makes me so mad! People, think before you speak. Is my adopted son any less "real" than my biological child? Yes, I know what he meant, but that is not what he said, and YES I take offense to his stupidity!

Here's a hint:
ALL children are real

I didn't say anything, because I was so shocked and caught off guard, and because I'm a chicken. BUT if this happens when my kids are around and could understand what is being said - then YES I will have to speak up. I would NEVER EVER EVER want either one of them to hear someone talk about them this way.


The Jeff and Tanya Borlase Family said...

I agree- it can be frustrating at times- but I usually take every opportunity- even with the ignoramis's, to educate them on adoption. Eli is only 7 months old (and Stevenson isn't home yet) but I plan on making a big deal of them being adopted- being SO PROUD that that is how they joined our family--- I want them to be proud of it too! Since there are obvious differences in our adopted children, I plan on teaching them to stand tall and proud and say yes I am adopted and I am an AWESOME person- with an awesome family- "thanks for asking". Don't know if you watched American Idol- with the gorgeous guy who looked like he was of african american descent- and how proud he was that he was adopted and how proud he was of his family (who looked perhaps vietnamese)... you could tell he was very confident, but polite- and very talented.

I think most people just don't know the right "terminology" for adoption situations- so just smile real sweet and let them have it :)

Alison Bynum said...

so funny. you'll have the right words to say. and one day, the kids will see the humor in others' ignorance too.

jtcosby said...

That is so sad. I am so sorry it is happening to you! I can only say I make every effort to ensure I use the proper wordage when speaking of adoptive children...and any other children for that latest frustration: "Are they all your?" My response is so kind unlike my head...saying, no, I just decided to open a daycare center and let them all call me mom. I am so tired of people being rude and not even caring if they are or not...I know they mean well...but educate yourself in the world of tactfulness....