Saturday, June 30, 2007

They are both mine.

I think that many parents wonder if they will love a child that they did not birth. Will they look at this child and see that the child didn’t come from them? Will there always be something missing between them and their child? If adoptive parents have biological children will they then wonder if their bio child will have a bigger place in their heart than the child that they adopt.

I had these same questions about two years ago when we were waiting for our youngest son to join our family. At the time I didn’t know when or where he would come from. I didn’t even know if our child would be a girl or a boy, but I was falling in love with our child before we even laid eyes on him. I often wondered if I would feel differently about this child as opposed to the child I conceived with my husband and carried in my big fat belly for 9 months. I bonded with our oldest while he was in my belly. I felt him move and keep me up at night with his acrobatic dances. I pushed all 9 pounds and 11 ounces of him out of me. God created him to be born of me. I was in love from the minute the pregnancy test said positive. Would I ever be that in love with this next child?

These questions in my heart bothered me. I was ashamed that I was even entertaining these thoughts in my head. I was embarrassed to voice these thoughts for fear of how people might think of me. I prayed and prayed and prayed for this love to overcome me when I met my new baby. I prayed for my child to know me and to recognize my voice. I prayed for us to bond immediately and for the love that I had for our first child to be duplicated in a miraculous way for this child that I would not birth.

Throughout the 15 months of waiting for our baby I fell in love with him. I prayed for him and his birth family. I prayed for protection and health for our baby and his mom. I slowly and surely fell in love with a baby that I had never met. While we were at the hospital waiting for our baby to be born I remember the excitement that was going through my body. I could not wait to meet him for the first time. To see what he looks like. To feel his skin and to talk to him, I yearned to be with him. God was surely present that whole weekend and Aaron and I fell in love with our little boy the instant we laid eyes on him. It was as if we had known him all along.

When they held up our little baby boy I cried just the same as I had cried the first time I laid eyes on my oldest son after birthing him. I was in love. My love was real. My love was pure. This love was given to me by God to allow me to open my heart and soul to a child that I had nothing to do with in creating.

I guess I’ve been thinking about this lately because I talk to a lot of people who have biological children and have entertained the idea of adopting. They have felt the gentle tug at their heart by God and have been ignoring it for years. They are not sure if they could really love a child that they didn’t birth. I am here to tell you that YES you can. God’s love is big and God’s love sees no boundaries. That is how I love a child I didn’t birth. I love him the same as I love the child I birthed; I see no difference. There is no difference. They are both mine. They are both mine. They are both mine.

10 comments:

Aaron Ivey said...

i love this entry. and i love how passionate you are about adoption and our beautiful kids!! love you.

melneyann said...

I love the Iveys!

Abra Leah Cross said...

Beautiful entry. You have such a gorgeous family - isn't God wonderful? :)

Debra said...

Jamie. I cannot wait until the day that we adopt...I am praying that it will be soon.

Debra said...

Beautiful!

Tina4Hope said...

Jamie, do you see that the very things GOD has blessed you with have become your passion to fan that in others? That is the overflow of a blessing FROM God that becomes the WORK and MESSAGE of GOD in you....
SO good. So vulnerable.
I love seeing it pour through you... and knowing this is JUST THE START of a work!!! What is around the corner... I can't wait to see!!

Jeremy & Heather said...

And the cool thing ... an adopted child can love that parent just as much. Have questions yes but love the same. I was adpoted and also want to adopt. I can't imagine not loving my adopted child as much as I do the ones who were in "my BIG FAT belly for 9 months"

kittyhox said...

Aaaw! You made me cry. It's so neat to be able to hear your perspective, as a mom who was given children through adoption and through pregnancy.

I, too, fell in love with my son the instant I saw the positive pregnancy test. So obviously, we can love and become attached (in a miraculous way) to our children before we even know them. I don't see why it would be different in an adoption situation.

I am so incredibly grateful that I got to carry and deliver my son. Those were some of the most precious moments of my life. But I think the adoption process can be just as precious, just in different ways.

I have a hunch God might have adoption in mind for us, since we are both so open to it. We might like to adopt older children, once we are more experienced parents.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It's so so beautiful to see how God creates families.

The Setliffe Family said...

I loved this post....and I love BOTH of your kids! They both fit so perfectly with you guys! We miss you all & hope you had a safe trip home today!

AdoptedAsHisOwn said...

I SO mirror what you said!!!!! Yes, they are mine, they are mine!! It's a beautiful miracle to receive a child as your own that you did not birth!! Both are miracles, both are amazing: birth and adoption!