running again.

Well I have done it again. That is I have signed myself up for another half marathon. I really enjoyed running the last one and was super proud at the dedication I put forth into training and proud of myself for accomplishing running 13 miles at one time.

Now you might be saying to yourself, Oh this will be easy for her since it was only two months ago she was in great shape and ran 13 miles. Ha! Wouldn't that be nice. I have been kicking myself for the fact that in the past two months I worked out maybe 10 times and ran maybe 5 times. UGH what was I thinking. I registered last week for this race that is towards the end of Sept and hit the pavement again last weekend. My first run was 2 miles and I had to run 5 min and walk 2 min. The next day the same, and then the next day I ran the 2 without walking. Today was 3 and I didn't walk, so that was good. I'm back in the training game and enjoy it. I seem to work out a lot more regular when I have a workout schedule on my calendar and a goal in sight!

So if you live in my area and want to get in on this fun you better register soon because they are only taking 1,000 participants since it is the innagural race!

One Mile.

I am ashamed to admit that today I ran my FIRST mile since my 1/2 marathon about a week and a half ago! I have gotten so lazy with no race on the calendar and no workout schedule on my ical! I need a race to be traning for.

Tonight I did pilates at the Y, and I 'm still not so sure about it. Yes it did hurt sometimes, but I didnt' sweat hardly and didn't feel as though I had really worked out afterwards. Not sure if I'll do that one again. Then I got on the treadmil and ran ONE lousy mile! Ha! I was running out of time and needed to get home for dinner and that is all I had time for. I guess one is better than none!

TEN MILES

I must brag on myself for one moment. I just arrived home from a ten mile run! Did you read that TEN MILES of non-stop running! I stopped twice for water and twice to adjust my ipod and finished in one hour and thirty-eight minutes (I know for some of you that is slow, but hey for me I was very proud!). I was very tired and now just want to lay on the couch and sleep but of course there is laundry to be done and a bathroom to be cleaned!

Next Saturday I'll be running 13 miles! WOW I think I might cry at the end! My parents are coming up to cheer me on since Aaron will miss it. :(

thoughts.

Thoughts from my rocking chair on a yucky Friday morning ....

* Today is going to be a very lazy day. Every day this week we have played outside so much and today it is wet and chilly (I haven't actually been out yet, but that is what it looks like from my living room window!) and so we're stuck inside.

* It is 9:56 am and I'm still in my jammies and just remembered the coffee I made earlier at breakfast is still there and I haven't had any! Bummer - so I just got me a cup and it's not very good. We've been in a coffee slump. Every pot doesn't seem to be good. We've tried to buy other coffee besides Starbucks, and honestly I think we'll be going back to the Starbucks. This stuff just isn't as good!

* The kids are dressed and ready to go though, so IF I decide to leave the house today they are ready.

* Once again big boy was dry this morning when we woke up. Should I put him in big boy underwear at night? He is ALWAYS dry in the AM. We limit his fluids at night and usually he doesn't have anything after dinner unless we are out. What do you guys think?

* Okay so are you wondering about my lental sacrifices? (Is lental really a word?) Well honestly it is not going well. :( My attitude has been awful and Aaron tells me I should quit b/c my heart is not in the right place. :( The Diet Coke thing is going a lot better. I had one on Sunday (Aaron told me that Catholics take Sunday off from fasting .... was he lieing to me???) and it was SO GOOD! I thought that would make me want one more, but actually I have not craved one all week long. :) So, that is going well. I can see myself making it to Easter and then limiting my intake lots! The internet - NOT going well. I have cheated so much that it isn't even funny! I thought I would just limit the blogs I read ... then I started reading the ones that were adopting so I wouldn't miss anything ... then I started reading my friends b/c she lives in TX and I didn't want to miss out ... see how it just kept going. I have pretty much started reading blogs again. UGH! I feel like a failure! Not really, but here's the deal ... I'm still going strong with my diet coke sacrifice ... the internet NOT SO MUCH. Oh well.

* I got some very sad news today. One of my closest friends (the kind that you don't get to see often BUT your hearts will always be close) has had a hard year with her mom. Her mom had cancer and had a masectomy and reconstruction and now she is having more problems. My heart is breaking for her and her family. How much more do they have to indure. Why her family? Why not mine? How long will this go on? Only God knows these answers and they are a mystery to us. I do know that God has a plan and he may not let us in on it but it is HIS plan and it is PERFECT. So, to my sweet friend - I love you, and am praying for you, your mom and whole family daily. LOVE YOU GIRL!

* I feel like all I do is complain about my knee lately. I know that Aaron is tired of hearing about it and I'm sure you are too! I called my doc yesterday to get a reference for an orthopedic or something. I missed the nurses call back and she left on my machine for me to ice it and take motrin. WHAT? She must not know that I have been doing that for about THREE weeks now!!! UGH! I didn't run yesterday b/c after my run on Wed (only did 5 and was supposed to do 6) my knee has been killing me (what's new!!). So, I'll get back to the gym today ....

* If you've made it this far into my boring nothing of a post - have a great day!

distant memories

As some of you know that read my blog often, I am kinda going through a mid-mommy crisis right now. One day I want to go back to work (teaching) full time and other days I never want to leave my kids. It is a constant battle within my soul that somedays leaves me feeling very guilty at even the thought of leaving them for those 8 hours each day to be with other children. Some days the teaching job wins the battle and I think I'll be a better mommy when I am with them because of my fullfilment outside the home with teaching and coaching.

Just today as I was running at the Y and watching The View the subject came up with the girls on there about staying home or working full time. Rosie said that she left her show when one night as she was leaving to go to a fundraiser event her oldest son Parker (4 at the time) asked her where she was going and she told him to help raise money for kids who have an illness and he then asked her why can't she just stay home and take care of him. WOW! Kids pick up on everything. She said she realized then she was away too much. Elizabeth Vargas just made the jump backwards to spend more time with her kids. Rachel Ray on The View said she is not having kids b/c she doesn't have time for them. I'm not saying these are all women I look up to, but just referencing them b/c they all came up today and that one show I was watching.

THEN I read something like this from the monthly calendar that our Mother's Day Out sent home last week - "Our sons and daughters will be grown so quickly and these days together will be nothing but distant memories. Make the most of every moment!". This is a quote from James Dobson from his book Parenting isn't for Cowards. I read this and I think .... gosh teaching can wait, but my kids can't. Each year they are closer and closer to school and then they will get closer and closer to graduating and then leaving me for college and then leaving me for a wife ... oh my!

So, back to cleaning my house while my sweet babies nap. They are so precious and I do cherish each day I have with them. I am blessed beyond measure to have two boys who love each other and love me!

The battle in my soul will continue and I am constantly asking God to show me what to do. He hasn't shown me anything new, so today I am just me - a stay-at-home mommy who his loving this opportunity to be with her kids.

one week down.

Well I'm one week into NO diet coke and very limited internet, and it is going great. I missed the diet coke greatly one day and besides that I'm doing pretty well. :) The internet has been good as well. I am getting much more done and actually reading more and resting more too!! :)

Ran yesterday for the first time in a week and felt ok. Ran 3 today and felt ok. Now my other knee is hurting. UGH. This is one of the most frustrating things I've delt with in a while. I actually WANT to run and I can't. That has NEVER happened! I'm going next week to get new shoes since so many have suggested trying that first, so hopefully that will help! I'm back at the gym tomorrow though. I feel like I lost so much ground during my week off.

knee

Well after 4 days of rest I set out to hit the pavement again tonight. I ran as far as the end of the house next to us and had to turn around and walk home. My knee was hurting pretty badly. It is not the worst pain I've ever felt, but it is pain and it is worse when I run. I was telling the hubby last night that I am constantly aware of it. Not that it hurts all day long, but I just feel this uncomfortable feeling in my knee. If I stand up and immediately stand on that one leg then my knee hurts, if I am sitting and turn it the wrong way it hurts, and tonight when I started running it was hurting even worse.

So, I've contacted my local Y and am going to have someone check me out. They'll tell me one of three things - either #1. you need to rest a little bit longer and then get back to running, or #2 you should see a doctor, or #3 you are a big BABY get back out there and run!!! I'll keep you up to date on the outcome.

****UPDATE 12 MINUTES LATER*****
So after feeling like a complete looser for running 43 seconds and turning around I decided to try one more time. So, I ran around my block and limped for the first half. Then is started feeling a little better but still hurt so I went inside. It is sore now and I think tomorrow I may try the treadmill so I can go slower and it will be softer on my legs than the pavement outside. I'll probably walk the most, but honestly I have to work out. I am starting to enjoy this running stuff and have MISSED it so badly these past few days. I've felt awful for not running and felt as though I was loosing ground.

Any thoughts?

Random things.

Here are a few random things I would like to talk about today:

1. Ash Wed was yesterday and I didn't even know it until half way through the day. I found a blogger who wrote about Lent. Here it is: Lacey and Ginger. Also check out this site on Wilkipedia about Lent.

2. A person made a comment on my last post about Ash Wed and Lent that explains a lot. Check out the comments section under that post.

3. I have decided what I will give up for lent - the Internet (except for emails and blogging - but i will not be reading blogs) I will also give up Diet Coke. Wow, I can't believe I just said that. I think that the Diet Coke will be harder than the Internet! I had my last diet coke today and just read the blogs I subscribed to. So, hopefully after 40 days of no diet coke I can give it up for good, and I will have much more time for other stuff since I won't be reading any blogs.

4. I have been thinking a lot about Lent and Ash Wed and I wish that this was a more common practice among people other than Catholics. I think it is a great season to reflect on what Christ did for us when he died on a cross for our sins. Just as Lacey said in her blog, I think we all need to be reminded of the gift that God gave us. We can tend to slack, and hopefully I will be reflecting daily on this gift and will not easily forget the free gift of salvation and freedom that God has granted me through his son, Jesus Christ.

5. I recently finished SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART by Ted Tripp and enjoyed it. I recommend it and Aaron and I will take the book and it's suggestions and mold it to fit our family. One thing that I am going to try to much harder to do is to require first time obedience from my children. YES, I do want that, but it is hard and takes lots of work. So, I will begin working on my children and their obedience.

6. I am now on to a book that Aaron recently finished and is highly recommending me to read - THE SECRET MESSAGE OF JESUS by Brian D. McLaren - I'll keep you updated as I go.

7. MY knew hurts so badly that I am not running today or tomorrow. UGH!

So, I pray that God will too move in you to remind you daily of the love that he has for you and the over pouring of blessings that he bestows upon us. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice, and thank you God for pursuing me even when I was wondering and feeling as though I knew it all. I pray that over these days of sacrifice that I will reflect daily on the gifts you have blessed me with.

5 miles!

I don't remember the last time I ran 5 miles. Probably over 10 years ago in high school cross country! Oh my gosh today my body ran for 51 minutes and 21 seconds without stopping. Boy am I proud! After 3 miles I had to pass by our house and Aaron was outside cheering me on - I LOVED that!

Yeah for me! Now I am on the floor in the living room watching THE VIEW on my tivo with my leg propped up and ice on my right knee which was killing me the whole time I was running!

One day closer to my goal!

Lent and Ash Wed

I have noticed lately that most of my thoughts that don't involve kids, meals, diapers, bath time, or bed time occur to me during my workouts. This is the first time I've worked out this much since high school. It is hard and most days I dread it, but there is something about being out on the road alone with your thoughts. You can concentrate more and can think things all the way through without any interruptions. For this, I am loving running on the road. At the Y, I plug my head phones into the TV and watch TV, but out on the road it's me, my ipod and my thoughts. LOVE IT!

Today my ipod shuffled from Bon Jovi, Coldplay, Charlie Hall, Faith Hill, John Mayer, Will Smith, Matt Redman, Something Corporate and Spur58. I think that Aaron could have bought me the shuffle since that is what I do, just shuffle from song to song. It keeps things fresh and I never know what is coming up. I can go from "Blessed be your name" to "Getting Jiggy with it" and love it. I only keep one ear plugged with the music so I can hear if the big bad wolf is coming to get me and because my mom said it's not good to workout with your headphones in b/c of blood flow to your ear and your heart .... not sure about that one, but if you can confirm that let me know!

Okay, back to the point of this post ....

As I was running today my mind wondered back to a subject that it has wondered to quite frequently since I read a book last summer called Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner. I highly recommend this book to anyone that is looking for an easy read and a great encouragement. This is Lauren's memoir and it takes you down her journey from Orthodox Judaism to Christianity. I loved it.

What it brought my mind to again was lent and ash Wednesday. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I am not sure where ash Wednesday or lent originated, or even what it means. Does this make me a bad Christan? I am willing to take the label of bad Christian and ask my questions. Why do people put the ashes on their forehead? What does it represent? Why do they give stuff up for lent? Did I miss this somewhere along my 28 years of church? Is it because I grew up Southern Baptist that I don't know much about either one of these? I am going to research this more and find out where it started, what it means, and what it means for me.

If you have all these answers, I would love to hear them. BUT please don't make me feel stupid if you feel a though I should know this as a believer. I want to know.

at the end.

Today as I was running at the gym I noticed an elderly couple coming into the Y. The man had a head full of gray hair and looked tired, as if his days are long. His wife was being pushed by him in her wheelchair. As they entered the Y, a smile immediately formed on my face as I thought of the life that these two have created together.

I don't know these people and I could be totally wrong, but I would like to think that they have lived a great life and still love each other and just enjoy being together. I hope that his devotion to her is true and that she still adores him and laughs at his jokes, just as she did when they first met. I think he still looks at her and sees the most beautiful woman alive. To be together with one person for that long is basically unheard of these days. When someone makes it to a ten year anniversary we think that they have truly lived and truly loved. When the truth is God has so much more in store for us, if we would just stick it out.

This husband went on to help his lovely wife out of her wheelchair and onto the bike so that she could do her exercises for the day. What an honor for her to have her lover still by her side even when things aren't exactly going the best. She is unable to do certain things for herself, and to have her husband continue to be there is an accomplishment in its self. True love. Lasting Love. Love worthy of love.

Seeing this couple brought my mind thinking back to a place where it has been quite often lately. I can't stop thinking about my life. You see, I want to do big things in life. I want to make a difference. I want to effect this world in a great way. These desires have been stiring in my for a while now, and I can't help but wonder if I'm the only stay at home mom that has these feelings. There has to be more to my life than diapers and play dates. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, I LOVE my life, but there has to be more.

I can only hope and pray that when I am old and Aaron is helping me on the bike at our local YMCA that I can look back and know that I did great things. That I made a difference on this earth. That I did exactly what God had created me to do.

So, for now I will continue to ask God to open doors for me to do things for him. To allow me to see people's needs and love them with a heart that is truly wanting to love them. To love them as Jesus would love them, with all he had.

I do know one thing and that is that I do not want to get to the end of my life and feel as though I haven't truly lived.

God show me how you want me to live......

Don't feel like it

This is a day I DO NOT feel like running. Hubby is home! Kids are being so good! Hubby and I are sitting at the kitchen table, talking and catching up, drinking coffee and checking emails. Pure bliss!

But I will eventually go run ......

Update to last night's entry

Okay yesterday I was on top of the world after running. I felt incredible, strong, fast, healthy. This morning I felt like I SUCK at this. I ran 2.5 miles this morning and it took me longer than it took me last night to run 3! I felt awful. My legs were tired, my ankle and knee on the same leg were hurting. I had to walk the last half mile!

I have talked with this lady at the Y today for the second time and she is a RUNNER. You can tell when she runs that she is a RUNNER and you can tell by her body that she is a RUNNER. I think I want to be a RUNNER someday! Anyhow she asked me how my training was going and I told her about how awesome last night was and how awful this morning was. She mentioned a few things to me:
1. I didn't have a long recovery from last night's hard run until this morning.
2. My knee is probably hurting b/c it is not used to this running. I need to do weights to increase my strength. I had not been wanting to do weights b/c I was running and thought that was enough, but apparently I need more - today I did weights.
3. She said I should change up my workouts. Running on the treadmill is so hard and boring. I ran outside twice this week when it was nice, but I can't run in this cold. So, she suggested changing the tempo and incline to simulate the outside.
4. Need to work on speed work too on some days.

I think I have begun to obsess over the miles and getting them in that I haven't cared how I got them (treadmill or outside). I just wanted to finish as fast as I could and mark it off the training list.

Now I'm back to the internet to look at my workout plan and see where I should do weights, cross train, speed work, hills, etc.

Any seasoned runners feel free to pass on any advice you have! I love advice!

running status

For the 5 people that read my blog I thought I would update you on my running status. As you may remember one of my New Year's Resolutions is to run a half marathon. I am hoping to do the Country Music Marathon in April.

So, last week I ran 14 miles (more than I ran the whole month of Jan!) and that brought my total since Jan 1st up to 40.80 miles. :) So far this week I've ran 10 and have three more to go before the end of the week. On Tuesday I ran 4 miles in 36:54, and today I ran 3 in 26:03.

For those of you that remember my complaining in January about how much I hated running and wondering if it would ever get better. Well, it is still SO hard, but it is getting better. I am enjoying my runs more often. Tonight I was only supposed to do 2, but was feeling good so I went one more.

Accomplishments

Today as I was running I didn't have my ipod so my brain was free to roam and quickly jump from one thought to the next. I was running a new route which was a jump for me. I usually stick to the Y or my neighborhood. Today I went to the local greenway and hit the pavement. It was a good experience for me. I have seen way too many Law & Order SVU shows and just knew that someone was going to jump out of the bushes and attack me and leave to die at any moment. I tell you my mind works in crazy ways.

So, to combat these fears, I started thinking about good things. I tried to pray about things going on in my life (and for the man that I knew was in the bushes waiting for me) and think about good things. My mind started thinking that if I do run this 1/2 marathon it will be a great accomplishment for me. You see, I have not registered yet and seem to be putting it off. I need to register to have one more way to be accountable to the workout. I have my workout schedule, it is on my ical, I have new shoe, but I have not registered. I will though. I will.

What are the BIG accomplishments in my life? I immediately thought of college. I was the first in my immediate family to graduate college and so that would be a big accomplishment for me. Our family adopted domestically and that seemed big to me. My marriage seems to be an accomplishment. WHEN I run this 1/2 marathon that will be a HUGE accomplishment for me.

I notice that all these have one thing in common. They took work on my part. To graduate college took me 6 years, and I only have a bachelor's! I wanted to quit so many times, but yet I stuck it out and finished. Adoption was the most emotionally draining thing I've ever been a part of in my life. My marriage takes work. We schedule time for each other, I have someone else's feelings to think about, and I can't be my selfish self all the time. Training this marathon is taking time out of my life. It is hard work. Most days I don't want to run, but I do anyways because I know the end is 10.5 weeks away and will be worth every mile I ran.

What are your big accomplishments in life? What obstacles have you overcome?

Philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me hte strength and power." (TLB)

I'm just tired.

Have you ever just been tired? I am just tired. In fact I just slept for almost an hour on the boys floor while they played around me. You know that kind of sleep - the kind where, yes you are asleep, but no you aren't. You can sit up at any moment and see why someone is crying or tell someone to stop pushing and then go right back to your "sleep zone". That was me! I had planned on napping while the kids did, but that might be able to get me through the day!

I think I got even more tired today after looking at the workout schedule I need to be keeping. Here is my deal - I LOVE to workout - BUT I hate to workout. Anyone else feel that way? Yesterday I had about 25 min before I had to be somewhere so I went to the Y and ran 2 miles in about 18 min and felt great. Then this morning Laura and I hit the spin class for 45 min and then did a few arm weights. For some reason I was dead aftewards. Here is the deal though - this Saturday is 12 weeks out from the 1/2 marathon that I really want to do. That means no more playing around - I HAVE to work out and really need to love it too! There is also a 5K in two weeks that I think I can handle. Maybe that will give me the boost of confidence that I need!

I just added up the amount of miles that I have ran in January and it is not good. From Jan 2 to Jan 31, I ran a grand total of 23.8 miles and did spin class two times. This is where I get tired. I just added up how many miles I'm "supposed" to run in the next 12 weeks before the marathon - 200! Did you see that - 200! That is roughly 16 miles a week, which is roughly four times what I ran each week in January. BUT good thing is that it is a progressive training and you don't run 16 miles the first week. You work up to it!

So I really want to do this, but I am so scared to commit for fear of failure. What if I don't get in my 16 miles a week, what if my back starts hurting bad again, what if I have a bad week that turns into two bad weeks and I get way off the training schedule. UGH!

Well, speaking of tired .... I am off to take a bath while the kids are napping and read my SHAPE magazine! It says on there that you can have sexy arms in two weeks and loose 8 lbs in one week!