Everything Changes ....

Everything changes when you have kids. When tragedy strikes my mind goes directly to my kids. All of the people that were killed today in Virginia are someone's kids. They have parents that are grieving tonight in a way that I pray I never have to experience.

As I was sitting in the boys room tonight getting them ready for bed we were listening to a SPUR cd and the song "wonderful cross" was going and tears started streaming down my face. I was not understanding while God allows all these BAD things to happen in this world. How can 32 people go about their normal day, not knowing that it was their last day on this earth, and have tragedy come upon their lives in their normal Monday morning. Crazy! Then my mind started thinking about the song that was playing in the room. The wonderful cross - The wonderful cross! Thank you Jesus for the hope that you have given us. The hope that this world is not our end. The confidence that you are still in charge when it seems as though no one is in charge. The strength to go on tomorrow even when we have a day like this.

Jesus, I ask that you comfort these families and loved ones tonight.

heart breaking

Could anything be worse than this right now? Check out Rachel's story and please think of her tonight as you pray and go throughout your normal routines.

*Update - I updated the link today so hopefully you can visit it now. Rachel also passed away Friday morning. Pray for her family now.

distant memories

As some of you know that read my blog often, I am kinda going through a mid-mommy crisis right now. One day I want to go back to work (teaching) full time and other days I never want to leave my kids. It is a constant battle within my soul that somedays leaves me feeling very guilty at even the thought of leaving them for those 8 hours each day to be with other children. Some days the teaching job wins the battle and I think I'll be a better mommy when I am with them because of my fullfilment outside the home with teaching and coaching.

Just today as I was running at the Y and watching The View the subject came up with the girls on there about staying home or working full time. Rosie said that she left her show when one night as she was leaving to go to a fundraiser event her oldest son Parker (4 at the time) asked her where she was going and she told him to help raise money for kids who have an illness and he then asked her why can't she just stay home and take care of him. WOW! Kids pick up on everything. She said she realized then she was away too much. Elizabeth Vargas just made the jump backwards to spend more time with her kids. Rachel Ray on The View said she is not having kids b/c she doesn't have time for them. I'm not saying these are all women I look up to, but just referencing them b/c they all came up today and that one show I was watching.

THEN I read something like this from the monthly calendar that our Mother's Day Out sent home last week - "Our sons and daughters will be grown so quickly and these days together will be nothing but distant memories. Make the most of every moment!". This is a quote from James Dobson from his book Parenting isn't for Cowards. I read this and I think .... gosh teaching can wait, but my kids can't. Each year they are closer and closer to school and then they will get closer and closer to graduating and then leaving me for college and then leaving me for a wife ... oh my!

So, back to cleaning my house while my sweet babies nap. They are so precious and I do cherish each day I have with them. I am blessed beyond measure to have two boys who love each other and love me!

The battle in my soul will continue and I am constantly asking God to show me what to do. He hasn't shown me anything new, so today I am just me - a stay-at-home mommy who his loving this opportunity to be with her kids.

the little things

It is the little things sometimes that I need to rejoice in! Today I put the kids down for a nap at 2:00 and did a few things around the house, responded to some emails, watched the Oprah special and read a little in my book. At 3:30 I decided to lay down for whatever few minutes I had left before they woke up. As I laid down I said a silly prayer asking God to let the kids sleep for at least 30 more minutes so I could rest as well. Now it is 1 and a half hours later and I'm about to go wake them up after all of us had very long Sunday afternoon naps - aren't those the best! Thank you God for my rest!

scary.

Scared is how I'm feeling right now. Scared for my boys and what their future may hold. I just watched Oprah from yesterday and it scared me to death. She had a man on there that was kidnapped in 1974 at the age of 13, and held captive for 18 months. She also had Elisabeth Smart's dad on there and Bill O'Riley as well. The show was very emotional, scary, and informative.

The laws in our country have got to change. It is awful that someone that has been convicted of a crime against a minor can EVER be let out of jail. It is not fair for the other children and families in this world.

Oprah says that you can go to her website (www.oprah.com - I'm guessing) and print out letters to send to your Senator and Governor on this issue. I will have Aaron print these off for me since I'm not getting on the internet until after Easter. :)

After watching this I spent some time in the boys room praying over them and crying in fear of the unknown. I prayed for so many protections over my boys, our family and our house. I am asking God to give me wisdom way beyond my years as a parent. Allow me to be able to discern evil and protect my family. Keep my children aware of their lives and the people around him. Give them strength to discern evil from good. Show me when to keep them close and when to let allow them to spread their wings.

at the end.

Today as I was running at the gym I noticed an elderly couple coming into the Y. The man had a head full of gray hair and looked tired, as if his days are long. His wife was being pushed by him in her wheelchair. As they entered the Y, a smile immediately formed on my face as I thought of the life that these two have created together.

I don't know these people and I could be totally wrong, but I would like to think that they have lived a great life and still love each other and just enjoy being together. I hope that his devotion to her is true and that she still adores him and laughs at his jokes, just as she did when they first met. I think he still looks at her and sees the most beautiful woman alive. To be together with one person for that long is basically unheard of these days. When someone makes it to a ten year anniversary we think that they have truly lived and truly loved. When the truth is God has so much more in store for us, if we would just stick it out.

This husband went on to help his lovely wife out of her wheelchair and onto the bike so that she could do her exercises for the day. What an honor for her to have her lover still by her side even when things aren't exactly going the best. She is unable to do certain things for herself, and to have her husband continue to be there is an accomplishment in its self. True love. Lasting Love. Love worthy of love.

Seeing this couple brought my mind thinking back to a place where it has been quite often lately. I can't stop thinking about my life. You see, I want to do big things in life. I want to make a difference. I want to effect this world in a great way. These desires have been stiring in my for a while now, and I can't help but wonder if I'm the only stay at home mom that has these feelings. There has to be more to my life than diapers and play dates. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, I LOVE my life, but there has to be more.

I can only hope and pray that when I am old and Aaron is helping me on the bike at our local YMCA that I can look back and know that I did great things. That I made a difference on this earth. That I did exactly what God had created me to do.

So, for now I will continue to ask God to open doors for me to do things for him. To allow me to see people's needs and love them with a heart that is truly wanting to love them. To love them as Jesus would love them, with all he had.

I do know one thing and that is that I do not want to get to the end of my life and feel as though I haven't truly lived.

God show me how you want me to live......

Ashes Ashes We All Fall Down ....

Tonight I had a revelation of what I'm in store for in my future years of child rearing. I realized that I am NOT the only one influencing my child. I mean I know this because we go to church where he is influenced, he stays with friends that influence him, I have him in preschool where he is influenced, so this should not come as a surprise to me, but tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks.

We were in the kitchen after dinner and C wanted to dance, so we held hands and started going in a circle. I immediately started singing ring-around-the-rosie and to my surprise, he joined in with me. It caught me so off guard, because to the best of my recollection I can not ever remember singing this with him, but in spite of that he still knew the song. Right there I realized that someone else had taught him this song. Someone else had showed him the "we all fall down" part and it wasn't me. Someone else had influence over my child.

I know that this sounds corny, but to me it was a moment. A moment of fear and excitment all in one. Fear for the things that I don't want him to be influenced with, but I know he will. Excitment in thinking about all the wonderful people in his life that will infuence him for good things. It made me think of how much we as parents need to be influencing our children so that hopefully our influences will out weight the "other" influences of the world. It also forces me to be aware of where my child is and who is there to influence him.

For our three year old, I'm pretty confident that right now the people with influence over him are positive and reenforcing what we are doing at home. I will pray diligently for positive influence on my boys.

Accomplishments

Today as I was running I didn't have my ipod so my brain was free to roam and quickly jump from one thought to the next. I was running a new route which was a jump for me. I usually stick to the Y or my neighborhood. Today I went to the local greenway and hit the pavement. It was a good experience for me. I have seen way too many Law & Order SVU shows and just knew that someone was going to jump out of the bushes and attack me and leave to die at any moment. I tell you my mind works in crazy ways.

So, to combat these fears, I started thinking about good things. I tried to pray about things going on in my life (and for the man that I knew was in the bushes waiting for me) and think about good things. My mind started thinking that if I do run this 1/2 marathon it will be a great accomplishment for me. You see, I have not registered yet and seem to be putting it off. I need to register to have one more way to be accountable to the workout. I have my workout schedule, it is on my ical, I have new shoe, but I have not registered. I will though. I will.

What are the BIG accomplishments in my life? I immediately thought of college. I was the first in my immediate family to graduate college and so that would be a big accomplishment for me. Our family adopted domestically and that seemed big to me. My marriage seems to be an accomplishment. WHEN I run this 1/2 marathon that will be a HUGE accomplishment for me.

I notice that all these have one thing in common. They took work on my part. To graduate college took me 6 years, and I only have a bachelor's! I wanted to quit so many times, but yet I stuck it out and finished. Adoption was the most emotionally draining thing I've ever been a part of in my life. My marriage takes work. We schedule time for each other, I have someone else's feelings to think about, and I can't be my selfish self all the time. Training this marathon is taking time out of my life. It is hard work. Most days I don't want to run, but I do anyways because I know the end is 10.5 weeks away and will be worth every mile I ran.

What are your big accomplishments in life? What obstacles have you overcome?

Philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me hte strength and power." (TLB)

David and Bathsheba

Recently I took the time to read the family tree of Jesus. Where did it all begin, and where did certain people fall into place in his lineage. I knew that David was in there, and Abraham, and even Ruth as well. What I then read was something that I had forgotten and am so thankful to have been reminded of this. Matthew 1 verse 6 reads this, “Jesse was the father of King David. David was the father of Solomon (his mother was the widow of Uriah). Do you remember who was the widow of Uriah? Yes, Bathsheba was his widow.

Back in the Old Testament in II Samuel chapter 11, we recall the story of David and Bathsheba. David made a huge mistake by asking Bathsheba to come and “visit” him one night while a war was going on. What follows is something that seems to be straight out of a Hollywood movie. Bathsheba gets knocked up with David’s baby, David brings Uriah back from war so he can sleep with his wife, but Uriah refuses because he doesn’t want to dishonor the men that are still fighting. David then proceeds to get Uriah drunk in hopes that he’ll head back to his house for some loving, and with no luck Uriah still doesn’t go home. Then in a feeling of complete desperation David sends Uriah back to war with a message for Joab that instructed him to place Uriah on the front lines and then retreat in hopes that he will be killed. What? It does sound like a modern day movie.

So, Uriah was killed and after Bathsheba was done with her mourning period David sent for her and she became one of his wives and she gave birth to a son.

David had created a mess for himself and if he is like me once you get in a mess it seems easier to stay in that mess than to get out. We will swim around in our mess forever with the fear of the cleaning process and how it will change us. Getting cleaned up from the mess is sometimes harder than staying in the mess. BUT the outcome is so much easier once we are out and cleaned up, forgiven of our sins and able to move on. I would rather go through the sometimes grueling clean up process and get out of the mess. God is good to clean us up and allow us many second chances.

Although David was forgiven, he still had consequences for his sin. That is life. His were harsh; God told him that murder should be a constant threat in your family. I will cause your household to rebel against you. I will give your wives to another man. WOW! But it gets worse. You see, his baby that was born out of this sin got very sick and died. David fasted and prayed and wept continuously for days asking God to grant life to his baby. He did not want his son to die, but in the end he did. His consequences were great for his sin.

My favorite thing about this story is that God is good and redemptive and can make good out of something very evil. Although David and Bathsheba’s relationship didn’t start out the way it should (adultery was the basis for their relationship) God allowed the line of Jesus to come from these two. WOW, did you see that. David and Bathsheba conceived another son and named him Solomon, and through him continued the lineage of Jesus.

I am so comforted by this story. My life is full of mistakes. Although I have been fully forgiven from all of them, they still carry consequences. God used something that didn’t start out good, and created something marvelous.

An example that pops into my head automatically is the adoption of our son. His birth mom wasn’t planning a baby, wasn’t ready for a baby, and didn’t want a baby. In the midst of her sin and despair good is revealed. Our son is revealed and through him God will do wonderful things.

Thank you God for forgiveness and for redemption. We praise you for your goodness and for your grand plan that we cannot even comprehend. You are truly the master of our lives and the giver of hope, love and peace.

Off to El Salvador

Some of our greatest friends, Matt & Rachel, are beginning their process of bringing home their baby from El Salvador. They are at the beginning of their race and I hope that their journey is peaceful and quick. I know that adoption is one of the most emotionally draining things I have EVER done, but it is also one of the most rewarding things as well. God revealed so many things to me throughout our process that I would not change a thing.

Anyhow, go visit their blog and give them a comment full of encouragement. Especially those of us that have adopted or are in the process. Love on them for a minute and allow your words to encourage them.

Here are some pics of us last year before they moved away from us. We love them and miss them. They are friends that even though you don't live close to and talk to often, they are deep, special, life long pals!

Love you guys!


Rachel holding Deacon and Me holding her daughter Ava. They just might marry someday!


The girls - Jamie, Maris & Rachel


The Ivey's and Setliffe's


Aaron & Matt

Feb prayer for children

"That they would serve whole heartedly as is they were serving the Lord, not men, knowing that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does." Based on Ephesians 6:7,8

Our church sent us this card stating that for the month of Feb the Learning Center Leaders have commited to pray the following scripture for our kids by name.

I will too.